Ni iki gitera umugore kudashaka guhuza igitsina na mba

Dr Catherine Solano, aragusubiza !

"Ibyo ni icyo bita kumva udafite ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Hari icyo ugomba kubanza kumenya ; ese ikibazo ni uko umugore atagishaka ko mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, cyangwa ikibazo ni uko umugore adasubiza ikibazo cyawe (adakemura ikibazo uba ufite wowe cyo gushaka kuryamana na we !)

Umugore utagishaka gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ni ibintu bisanzwe kandi byoroshye gukemura. Gusa, wowe mugabo, biba bigusaba ko uko kongera kugira ubushake ubigiramo uruhare mu bwitonzi. Ku bagore, ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina biza we abishatse, ntibipfa kuza cyangwa kuzanwa n’akabonetse kose. Bivana nuko we ubwe abishaka nyine. Gusa nanone, ni ngombwa kubanza kumenya impamvu ibitera.

Umugore wawe rero, ntabwo afite ubwo bushake bwo kumva ashaka gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina cyangwa bwo kumva yagufasha gukemura ikibazo cyawe aryamanye nawe. Ntashobora kandi kugira icyo ageraho, mu gihe yaba ajyanywe muri gahunda zo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina kandi we yiyumvamo neza ko ntabyo ashaka mbere yuko mubonana.

Abagore benshi, bashobora kumva bashaka gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina biturutse ku kuba uwo ashaka ko babonana bagenda barushaho kwiyumvanamo, cyane umugore yumva we amwiyumvamo bihagije yumva anamushaka. Hanyuma rero nyine uburyohe bukaza bukura uko ibikorwa by’imbanzirizamushinga bigenda bikura cyangwa bizamuka. Ukuba rero umugore wawe yumbva adashaa ko mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, burya biba bituruka ku mpamvu nyinshi.

Ni gute rero wakongera ukamuzamurira, ubushyuhe, ubushake n’uburyohe ?

Inama za Dr Catherine Solano,

Mbere na mbere, banza umwegere, mubazne mubiganireho. Mbese umuterete, uko umutereta, ni ko agenda akwiyumvamo, maze ubushyuhe n’ubushake bikaza gahoro gahoro atanabizi. Muryoshye, umukoreho gacye gacye witonze, mbese umukundwakaze mu bityo bw’ibikorwa biherekejwe n’amagambo aryoshye. Bigiremo gahunda, kandi ugire udushya, mbese uhange!

Ariko nanone, ni ngombwa nyine kubanza ukamenya impamvu ibitera kuko hari ubwo wakora iyo bwabaga ariko bigafata ubusa. Kuba umugore akuze na byo, bishobora kuba birimo indi mpamvu yo kuba ageze mu gihe cy’ubushake bucye kubera ko ageze mu gihe cyo guca imbyaro. Aha rero, umugore aba ashobora kuba ari mu gihe imisemburo imutera ibizongamubiri cyangwa ubushake bwinshi bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina igabanuka cyane.

Aha rero inama ni imwe, ni ukumwegera ukamwumvisha uburyo kuba yumva adashaka gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ari ikibazo. Mugomba rero kwegera abaganga bazobereye mu bijyanye n’ibitsina, bakabanza kumenya niba impamvu zibimutera zidafitanye isano n’umubiri (causes physiologiquea). Mu gihe byaba biterwa no mu mutwe (causes pschologiques), mwebwe mwenyine mushobora kubyikemurira.

Ku bagore bafite mu myaka 50, bijya bibaho ko usanga batagishaka gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ni ngombwa rero kumwegera ukamwumvisha ko umushaka, kandi ko ari mwiza imbere yawe, ko ubwiza bwe ntaho bwagiye na mba, ko akiri ihoho yuje itoto mu maso yawe.

Biranashoboka ko kumva adashaka ko mugirana imibonano mpuzabitsina bishobora kuba ari ikimenyetso cyuko mutabanye neza. Ibi bigatunma rero niba yumva mutabanye neza atanakugirira ubushake. Mubaze witonze aho ikibazo kiri, icyo yumva yifuza cyangwa ashaka, nicyo atekereza cyaba kibimutera. Hari ubwo wasanga hari nk’ikosa we yabitse mu mutima we waba warakoze, wowe utabizi, hari nubwo na we yaba atabizi ko ari icyo kintu kimuri ku mutima kibimutera.

Musobanurire kandi uburyo imibonano mpuzabitsina ari ikintu gikomeye kandi cy’ingenzi ku buryo mu gihe haba harimo ibibazo n’urugo rushobora kuhasenyukira.

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